jasonanelson.com

the reason

"Jesus gave his life for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live." - Galatians 1:4

this is the reason i celebrate easter.

sobonana...

stubbornness

sometimes i can be a stubborn person.  i mean, who isn't in this day and age?!?  i can watch whatever movie whenever i want.  i can listen to whatever song whenever i want.  i can believe what i want, go where i want, say what i want, and even do what i want, regardless of what others think.  and this kind of life is what makes me stubborn, because when i don't get what i want i can put my foot down and DEMAND what i want.

stubbornness is born out of a lack of humility.  it is born out of a heart of wanting for myself before i think of others.  i try to live a humble life, but i've been told by more than one person that humility is not my strongest suit.  over the last three years, i have recognized this weakness within me and have tried hard to think of others before myself.  i've become a card sender, a hugger, and thank you giver, a compliment giver, and have truly made an attempt to decrease myself.

when it comes to things i'm passionate about, though, like ministry, i can be really stubborn.  for years i've generally been able to get whatever i wanted through persuasion...or stubbornness.  sometimes its worked out good, other times not so much.  if you're a dominant leader like myself, you know all too well the struggle with stubbornness!  but i'm learning that passion and stubbornness cannot coexist together.

perhaps stubbornness is one of the reasons why an unbelieving world truly finds the church, or a relationship with Jesus Christ unbelievable (thanks in part to dc talk for that quote).  we have become so stubborn that our passion for sharing Jesus has become clouded with shades of evil and arrogance.

in deuteronomy 10, God was getting ready to lead His people into the promised land but He was giving them instructions and listen to what He says to them in verses 12-16 and then in verse 19:

"'And now Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases Him, and love Him and serve Him with all your heart and soul. And you must always obey the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good. Look, the highest heavens and the earth and everything in it all belong to the Lord your God. Yet the Lord chose your ancestors as the object of His love. And He chose you, their decendents, above all other nations, as is evident today. Therefore, change your hearts and stop being stubborn. So you, too, must show love to foreigners, for you yourselves were once foreingers in the land of Egypt.'"

sounds very familiar when Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself."

being passionate about showing people the love of God = the right way of showing people the love of God

being stubborn about showing people the love of God = the wrong way of showing people the love of God

"God, please take away my stubbornness and help me live with a passion that is unpolluted and healthy for Your Kingdom!"

sobonana...

endurance

i work out almost everyday.  i'll admit that my exercise has been sporadic because of back injuries and travel, but i've finally gotten back into it...actually, i've finally made time for it.  i have a love-hate relationship with working out.  i love what it does for my body, but i hate the actual process.  in fact, many mornings i have to drag myself out of bed and convince myself that everything can wait for 1 hour while i go do this.

once i arrive at the gym, i still have to play mind games and convince myself to stay.  i have to convince myself to make my workouts count and not just go through the motions with light weights and reps.  i have to convince myself that no one is staring at me or the strong guys at the gym are not laughing at me for the meager weight i'm using.  basically, every morning my workout is a fight with endurance.  but, when i leave the gym after a good workout, it's such a great feeling and for a brief moment i can't wait to get back the next day.  and then the next day comes and the endurance fight starts all over again.

this feeling is so parallel to my faith walk.  man, it is TOUGH!  being disciplined to read my bible everyday.  being disciplined to pray consistently (not just "blah blah" prayers, but real conversations with God).  i seem to come up with every excuse in the book to avoid drawing close to God and then staying close to Him throughout the day.  and then the next day comes and the endurance fight starts all over again with this as well.

living the "Jesus way of life" is no easy task.  there are so many distractions and other things warring against my walk with Him that quitting or even skipping is truly the easy thing to do.  and it's not just my own distractions that make it tough, but its the world around me, most of which does not understand why i choose to strive to live my life in such a way.  but, (you knew there was a but coming, didn't you?) when i'm faithful in my efforts to draw close to God and stay close to Him, there's no greater feeling in the world...even greater than a good workout!!!

"God, give me the endurance to draw close to You everyday before my day begins, and give me the endurance to stay close to You throughout the day."

"And everyone will hate you because you are my followers.  But the one who endures to the end will be saved." - Mark 13:13

sobonana...

just jason

i'm just jason.

i wake up every morning around 6:30 like a lot of other people.

in the mornings, i like to drink coffee...black please...no doctoring for me.

i also like frosted flakes cereal when i have time to eat at home, but sadly i rarely have time to eat at home.  bacon and eggs are also a favorite.

i'm just jason.

i like to workout in the morning.  i've recenly gotten serious about working out and have been going monday-friday.  i'm a member at a local gym because if i had the equipment at home i would never use it.

i don't eat as healthy as i should, but i have a strong metabolism (for now) so i indulge from time to time.

i do love smoothies...mmm...especially the 40oz gladiator from smoothie king...strawberries and bananas please!  i like to reward myself with these after a really good workout, but they're very expensive so it doesn't happen too often.

i'm just jason.

i like watching crude humor movies like "talladega nights" and "christmas vacation" and recently "the hangover".

the main radio station i listen to is 97x here in tampa bay.  i like alternative rock.

i don't watch much tv.  don't have the time or really the desire.  but, i will admit that my world stops spinning every monday night from 9-10pm for "24".

i'm just jason.

i didn't want to be a worship leader growing up.  i wanted to be a professional football player, or a rock star, or maybe even a pilot.

sometimes when i read the bible, it makes no sense to me...sometimes it pisses me off...many times it comforts me and teaches me.  i hope i always hunger to discover its mysteries.

if i could do anything else in ministry besides music, i would probably be a teaching pastor or maybe to something with missions.

i'm just jason.

i don't get mad or angry very easily, but i do get frustrated too easily, especially over things that i'm passionate about.

i don't laugh enough.

i love my daughters like crazy, but wish i could be a better father to them.

i'm just jason.

i do want to be rich, but it's not my motivation in life.

i do want to be famous, but not at the expense of my integrity.

i do want to be healthy and in shape, but i don't want to worship vanity.

i'm just jason.

why did i write all of this?  to air my dirty laundry?  confess my sins or weaknesses?  no.  i did it to remind myself that God did indeed create me to be something special and of worth, but at the end of the day i'm just jason...flawed, imperfect and sinful...and He's just God...flawless, perfect and sinless.

"God, help me to remember that You created me to be someone special, but also help me to remember that You are greater...there is no one greater...and help me continually submit my life to Yours and strive to walk closer to You everyday."

"Jesus also taught: 'Beware of these teachers of religious law! For they like to parade around in flowing robes and receive respectful greetings as they walk in the marketplaces. And how they love the seats of honor in the synagogues and the head table at banquets. Yet they shamelessly cheat widows out of their property and then pretend to be pious by making long prayers in public. Because of this, they will be more severely punished.'" - Mark 12:38-40

sobonana...

anything??? really???

"I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours." - Mark 11:24

i can pray for anything???  really???  did Jesus realize the ramifications of making that statement 2,000 years ago?  did He have any clue as to how selfish this world would become?  how selfish i would become???  of course He did!

Jesus knew what He was saying.  He was so stinkin' clever in saying it because He knew the ramifications of Him saying it!  all of the pressure was on US when He said that phrase!!!  why?  how??  when???

check out the second part of the verse, "...if you believe..."

now, go back up to verse 22, "...have faith in God..."

how many times do i pray just to pray; just to hear myself speaking; just to feel good; just to check it off my list?!?  it's no wonder there are times when my life sucks and i feel like i'm on a treadmill!  sure, i'm praying for "anything" but there's no faith; there's no belief; there's just lip service.

my prayer life has to change if i want my life to change.  otherwise, i'll just remain as a passenger on the "blah, blah, blah express!"

sobonana...

obedience

there's a common theme that all of us have as human beings.  to someone, or some thing, we must be obedient.

kids have to obey their parents

employees have to obey their supervisors

drivers have to obey the rules of the road

even Jesus had to obey His Father

but in the end, we all have to be obedient to God.

let me be totally honest and transparent right now...sometimes obeying God is easier said than done.  in fact, it's one of the hardest things for me to do.  i don't hear an audible voice telling me what to do (at least, not when i'm in my right mind).  God doesn't send letters, e-mails, texts, tweets, wall posts on facebook or anything like that.

let's all admit it, obeying God is hard to do in our day and time...we need something tangible...something we can touch, see, hear, etc.  but, that's not how He works.  so how does He work?  how can you (i) obey God when we/i can't see or hear Him?

i've found there are two ways that God speaks to me:

through His scriptures

through other people

many times, God speaks His direction and guidance to me through times of reading His word and sometimes He speaks His direction and guidance to me when i'm talking to people and asking their advice.

but ultimately, it comes down to obedience.  He can speak to me however He chooses, but i still have to obey Him.  whatever He asks, i must do...whether i like it or not...and that's tough!  but, by being obedient, i have found that His plans are always better than mine.  it's when i disobey that life can really suck!

so, i turn to faith...faith that obeying Him will be the better move for me...faith that obeying Him will not lead me down the wrong path...faith that obeying Him will further His kingdom, even if it doesn't further mine!

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.  But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night." - Psalms 1:1-2

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." - Psalms 119:32

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.  I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.  I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." - Psalms 119:9-11

"If you love me, you will obey what I command." - John 14:15

sobonana...

My Sphere of Influence

tonight i got to speak at re:wired...the college ministry that meets at st james every monday night.  i didn't really have a "message" to share, i just shared my story over the last 3 months of my life.  i got to talk about my trip to south africa and as only God could orchestrate it, tonight it was announced that there is a trip being planned to south africa by some of the re:wired team and they're going in may 2010.  they didn't know i was speaking about south africa and i didn't know they would be announcing the dates of their trip tonight...but God knew.

tonight as i spoke, i got to thinking about my sphere of influence.  i was reminded when paul butler first started telling me about the aids pandemic and when i asked what i could do he said the best thing i could do was impact/educate my sphere of influence with the truth.

there have been a couple of examples lately that have proven that God has given me a sphere of influence and i need to use it to make a difference.

first is this blog.  i'm not going to give numbers because that's not important, but what is important is that there are people i have never met who are reading my blog.  i have a traffic analyzer set up and i can tell where people are located when they read this blog, and i can tell you that i've never been to a lot of the cities and countries that appear in the stats.  i've heard multiple stories how people have used some of my blog writings in classes, small groups and sermons.  i've received e-mails from people i've never met who tell me how much my blog has impacted their lives.  the original intent was for me to use this to journal my experiences, but God has used it for much greater things than I could have imagined.  He has used it to expand my sphere of influence.

another example is one that happened last week.  i use twitter and you can follow my twitter feed on the home page of this blog or at twitter.com/jasonanelson.  last thursday i "tweeted" that i was going to sing at a funeral and requested prayers for the family.  within 5 minutes, that "tweet" was "re-tweeted" by four other people who "follow" me.  i have 68 people who "follow" me on twitter.  those four other people have a combined "following" of 12,893 people.  so, what was intended to only be sent out to only 65 people was in fact sent out to nearly 13,000 people.

i've said it before, but i'm just a simple musician from dallas, texas.  i don't consider myself to be a celebrity or even an overly popular person.  but, God has entrusted me with a sphere of influence and the reality that is hitting me is that i have a responsibility to impact my sphere for good...for His purposes.

so, my question to you is this: what are you doing to impact your sphere of influence for the good?  you may think that you don't know a lot of people or that you're not a popular person, but the truth is you never know who is looking up to you for some kind of guidance, some kind of leadership, some way to make a difference.  the greatest need we have as human beings, besides feeling loved, is feeling a sense of purpose...a sense of being needed.  let me encourage you that you do have a purpose and you are needed...people need you every day and your purpose is to make their lives a little better than when you walked into it (before you make your own life better)!  Jesus made it very simple for us...love God (the easy part), and love people (using your sphere of influence to do so).

i only thought a few dozen people would read this blog, but hundreds read it every day and some people are using the blog to teach others who will probably never read this blog.  i only thought 68 people would read my prayer request for the funeral last week, but thousands ended up reading it.

someone in this world depends on you...don't let them down!

sobonana...

Outside

tuesday night, i had the opportunity to go see "the i-heart film: we're all in this together."  it was a 2-hour documentary shot and produced by hillsong united showing their travels around the world during a 3 year span and the reality of our world they witnessed.  there were some pretty startling things in the film and overall it made the world seem so much smaller.

the one quote that was made in the film that stuck out to me was, "if what we do inside these four walls doesn't impact the streets we travelled to get here, maybe we're missing the point."

maybe???

that statement got me to thinking about the local church in america.  if what we do inside the four walls of our churches on sunday mornings doesn't make a difference in the streets we travelled to get there, we ARE missing the point.  it also stirred a question in my head: if my church (or any church) closed their doors for good, would their community miss them?

on so many levels, the global church (especially the american church) is starting to rise up and face the injustice in our society.  fighting aids in africa...fighting poverty in india...fighting injustice in china...fighting hunger in honduras...serving the poor in other states within our own country.  but what about the people we pass everyday in our own communities?  in new tampa, what about the less fortunate who have to sell newspapers on street corners on a sunday simply to get enough money to buy food for their family for the week?

i've spoken with several people and read several articles recently about churches and their weekend attendance at services.  just yesterday, i was reading an article in outreach magazine that listed the 100 largest and fastest growing churches in america...seriously???  it stirred another question in my head: WHO CARES?!?  when will there be an article in a magazine that talks about the top churches who are living out acts 1:8?  when will we, as church leaders, stop talking about how many people attend our weekend services and instead start talking about the number of people "outside" that we expressed true humanitarian love to this past week...Jesus-love?  imagine the following conversation about the church you attend:

the other person: what church do you go to?

you: I go to the xyz church.

the other person: oh wow...isn't that the church that serves the community like no other?
(or something along those lines)

instead, most conversations go like this:

the other person: what church do you go to?

you: i go to the xyz church.

the other person: i've heard about that church.  they have great music...or great preaching...or my kids really love it there...

or even worse...

the other person: i've never heard of that church...or, oh, I've heard of that church (said in a repulsive way)

too many times, i'm a part of the second conversation.  i'm somewhat fortunate that i go to a church that mainly hears the first response of the second conversation and i haven't heard anyone say, "oh, you go to that church."  but, what if, when talking to one of the 60+% of the people who don't go to church we started being more of a part of the first conversation?  what if, when pastors and church leaders meet for coffee they talk more about what their church is doing off campus monday through saturday rather than just focusing on what happens on campus any given sunday?  is it even possible???

but i think if we truly start embracing the statement i opened with, we will see the a shift...however slow it might happen.

"if what we do inside these four walls doesn't impact the streets we travelled to get here, maybe we're missing the point."

i'll close with another quote that was in the movie that struck me when it comes to injustice around the world.  maybe i'll unpack it in another posting...maybe not...but, here it is:

"you may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know." - william wilberforce

sobonana...

Africa: Sobering

on october 29, 2009, south african president jacob zuma delivered a landmark speech to the national council of provinces revealing new strategies to accelerate access towards universal access to hiv prevention, treatment, care and support in his country which has the largest number of people living with hiv.  below is an excerpt from his speech which gave some sobering statistics regarding the current state of hiv and aids in south africa.  at the bottom of this excerpt is a link to his entire speech...i encourage you to read it and understand better what life is like in south africa.

----------

Recent statistics from the Department of Health, Human Sciences Research Council, Medical Research Council, Statistics SA and other sources paint a disturbing picture of the health of our nation. They show that nearly 6 out 10 deaths in our country in 2006 were deaths of people younger than 50 years. If we consider mortality trends over the last decade, we see that the age at which people die has been changing dramatically. More and more people are dying young, threatening even to outnumber in proportional terms those who die in old age.

Honourable Members, South Africans are dying at an increasing rate. The number of deaths registered in 2008 jumped to 756,000, up from 573,000 the year before. At this rate, there is a real danger that the number of deaths will soon overtake the number of births. The births registered during this period were one million two hundred and five thousand one hundred and eleven (1,205,111). The Independent Electoral Commission had to remove 396,336 deceased voters from the Voters Roll during September last year and August this year.

What is even more disturbing is the number of young women who are dying in the prime of their life, in their child-bearing years. In 2006, life expectancy at birth for South African men was estimated to be 51 years. By contrast, life expectancy in Algeria was 70 years and 60 years in Senegal. These are some of the chilling statistics that demonstrate the devastating impact that HIV and AIDS is having on our nation.

Not even the youngest are spared. Some studies suggest that 57% of the deaths of children under the age of five during 2007 were as a result of HIV. This situation is aggravated by the high tuberculosis prevalence. The co-infection rate between HIV and TB has now reached a staggering 73%. Statistics indicate that the numbers of citizens with TB number at 481,584. These statistics do not, however, fully reveal the human toll of the disease (emphasis added). It is necessary to go into the hospitals, clinics and hospices of our country to see the effects of HIV and AIDS on those who should be in the prime of their lives.

It is necessary to go into people’s homes to see how families struggle with the triple burden of poverty, disease and stigma. Wherever you go across the country, you hear people lament the apparent frequency with which they have to bury family members and friends.

Let me emphasize that although we have a comprehensive strategy to tackle HIV and
AIDS that has been acknowledged internationally, and though we have the largest anti-retroviral programme in the world, we are not yet winning this battle. We must come to terms with this reality as South Africans.

click here to read the full speech delivered by president zuma.

sobonana... 

What Do You Think?

read this article and tell me what you think about online churches.

sobonana... 

A Different Way of Thinking

i'm going to branch off a bit from my postings about africa.  well, not completely, but just a little bit.  i woke up at 4am with some thoughts in my head and had to get them out, so bear with me while i word-vomit for a bit.

while i was in africa, i noticed something that seemed very different from the way i grew up...a bit refreshing and yet a bit confusing.  when referring to churches, they were simply known as the "_________ congregation".  for instance, the rietvlei congregation...the kwamhlanga congregation.  in many instances, they were just know as "church."  a typical conversation could go like this on any given sunday:

person 1: "what did you do today?"
person 2: "i went to church."
person 1: "cool." (okay, they probably don't say "cool" but you understand)

not a mention of what church they went to...no need, because in many places only one church serves the neighborhood or community.  very few identifying characteristics of the south african church.  i'm not going to make any assumptions as to why, but it is intriguing, isn't it?

that got me thinking about the american church.  i've worked in local churches since 1993, so while i'm no expert on the matter, i think i have some insight.  in america, i think we may have missed the point just a bit when it came to what Jesus intended the church to be.

first, we identify ourselves by denomination: baptist, methodist, lutheran, assembly of God, catholic, episcopalian, NON-denominational, and the list goes on and on and on...not to mention the number of sub groups within some of these denominations, like baptist, southern baptist, free will baptist, etc.

second, we saturate communities with churches.  just on bruce b. downs, the main drag in new tampa where i live, there are over a dozen churches in a 10 mile run.  we add more churches thinking we'll have the answer the community needs and yet the percentage of americans going to church on a sunday morning remains anywhere from 30-40% with a slow decline (but yet more than 3/4 of americans believe in God).

i understand the argument that not every person likes one style of church/worship so having different styles of churches helps answer that problem, but is that really the answer?  i mean, when Christ established the Church, he said to peter, "upon this rock i will build my Church..."  he didn't say, "upon peter i will build the baptist church...upon james i will build the methodist church...upon john i will build the lutheran church...etc...etc...etc."  so, where did we go wrong?

i grew up baptist...southern baptist to be exact.  i led worship in a southern baptist church for the first 7 years of my career.  then i went non-denominational for 3 years.  then in 2004 i joined the staff of a united methodist church and when that happened someone once said to me, "finally, we won you over!"  while i'm sure that statement was a bit tongue-in-cheek, i'm still struck by it to this day.  "won me over???"  to what???

yesterday at the 11:00 service at st. james, my pastor said something brilliant.  i was sitting back stage not feeling well, so i don't remember it verbatim, but he basically said regardless of denomination we are all one CHURCH serving one God who was born of a virgin, died on the cross and rose three days later.  why do i think it was brilliant?  because it's true!  and people started applauding!  why?  because i think deep down we're growing tired as an american culture of the identifying characteristics we have placed on churches.  while i believe that deep down every church believes this as well, why do we still have to identify ourselves in so many ways?  why has the church made sunday mornings the most segregated time of the week (and i'm not just talking race here)?

white churches vs. black churches

this denomination vs. that denomination

traditional vs. contemporary

inner city vs. suburb

etc vs. etc

what if the church i attend was simply known as the tampa palms church?  what if another church was known as the downtown tampa church?  and another church was known as the wesley chapel church?  or the _______ (fill in your community) church?  and, what if each church truly functioned the way it was established to function in the book of acts?  and what if the style of music wasn't as important as the passion of the worship?  and what if churches truly focused on teaching the "Jesus way of life" rather than the american way of living good (okay, that's a little harsh, but go with me on this one for a bit)?  and what if churches stopped trying to making people happy and instead challenged people to start living beyond themselves?  i wonder what would happen then...i wonder if we would still be struggling to fill sanctuaries...i wonder if people would still view church as the "hope of the world" rather than a thorn in their sides.

it really is very easy to have a successful church.  Jesus simplified it for us when he said, "love God and love people."  somehow, we have inserted "love myself" into the equation and it has gotten all messed up.  and that is why i hear of so many churches struggling and many churches closing their doors every week.

i love the church and believe it has so much potential.  Jesus wouldn't have established the church if he didn't think it could make a difference in the world.  i know i'm making blanket statements here and there are lots of people who go to church who get it and truly want to live the "Jesus way of life."  i'm speaking to more of the leaders of the church...like myself.  we have a responsibility to lead the church God has given us in the way God intended.  i think there are many church leaders who are trying hard to lead the church the way God intended but somehow we're still missing the mark...and for me, i honestly can't put my finger on what mark i'm missing.

could a church that doesn't identify itself by denomination really succeed in america?  could a church that isn't defined by it's style of worship or creativity really succeed in america?  could a church that isn't defined by the color of the attendees really succeed in america?  could a church that is defined more by it's community rather than it's demographics really succeed in america?  maybe it's the "sin" factor that causes all of this?  maybe it's the selfish nature inherent in all of us that causes all of this?

sobonana...

News: Travel Ban Lifted for HIV-Infected People

i'm not going to get into a political discussion here because i know that the election of president barack obama is met with mixed emotions here in america.  however, i do applaud the white house administration for lifting a 22 year ban on hiv-positive travellers to the united states this past weekend.  this ban was put in place based on fear rather than fact; little was known about hiv in 1987 and it was believed that it could be transmitted through breathing or simply touching someone who was positive.  as we have learned over the years, it takes a lot more than that.

as obama said while signing the bill, "if the united states is going to be a leader in the fight against hiv and aids, we need to act like it."  i'd say this is a huge first step in that direction.

also, president obama signed legislation renewing the ryan white care act, a federal law that authorizes the primary source of funding for aids care and services nationwide.  the updated care act places a stronger emphasis on testing, calling for 5 million hiv tests to be performed annually.  of the 1.2 million people in the united states who are living with hiv/aids, approximately 1/4 of them don't even realize they are affected.  this renewed bill should go a long way in stepping up testing to help address the problem of people unaware of their hiv status before they unknowingly pass on their infection to others.

this is a good move by the united states and my prayer is that we continue to do our part to help end this worldwide pandemic!

sobonana...

Africa: Still Processing...

it's been 4 weeks since i got back from south africa and to be perfectly honest, i am still processing everything.

i find myself waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, yet i am excessively tired.

i find myself dreaming (while i'm sleeping, and day dreaming) about africa and it's the only thing that brings me complete peace.

i'm finding that i don't get easily annoyed over little things like i used to, but big things can wear me out.

i find myself looking at the clock to see what time it is there and wondering what the kids at manaleni center are doing at that very moment.

i'm finding that some people are having a hard time understanding and even accepting what i'm going through and are taking things personally...but that's okay, i never expected they would understand.

i still haven't received my suitcase, but that's okay.  i filed a claim with delta and maybe they'll give me a little bit of money.  a lot of my good jeans were in there, so right now i'm wearing a lot of my jeans when i was a little heavier...it's kind of funny!  i don't mind, though...i'm really not in the mood to shop right now.

a few of the team members were so nice to give me some of their souveniers to give to my girls since they knew the items i bought were in my suitcase.  and rose has even asked the ladies in kwamhlanga to make some more for me.  God is good!

you know, it's so cool now that when i run into my new friends who i went to south africa with, it like there is an unspoken language between us.  it's like we look each other in the eyes and we really don't have to say a word.  we're not special or anything like that, it's just that the new common bond we have between each other...it's like brothers and sisters.

i really wish i could explain my thoughts more clearly, but it's just so hard.  i still don't fully understand, and one person told me this week that it will probably take a lifetime to completely understand what i saw there.  i just hope i have the patience within me to sort everything out, and i hope the people around me have the patience too and they don't commit me to a psych ward or something! :)

on a side note, i'm going to see "the iheart film: we're all in this together" next wednesday, november 4 with most of the south africa team and a few other friends.  if you don't know what i'm talking about, click here.

sobonana... 

Africa: Pondering

i'm reading "blue like jazz" by donald miller.  he just summed up the war raging within me right now as i ponder everything i experienced in south africa.  here's what he said:

i think every conscious person, every person who is awake to the functioning principles within his reality, has a moment where he stops blaming the problems in the world on group think, on humanity and authority, and starts to face himself.  i hate this more than anything.  this is the hardest principle within christian spirituality for me to deal with.  the problem is not out there; the problem is the needy beast of a thing that lives in my chest.

the thing i realized on the day we protested, on the day i had beers with tony, was that it did me no good to protest america's responsibility to global poverty when i wasn't even giving money to my church, which has a terrific homeless ministry.  i started feeling very much like a hypocrite.

my than questions about the efficacy of social action were my questions about my own motives.  do i want social justice for the oppressed, or do i just want to be known as a socially active person?  i spend 95 percent of my time thinking about myself anyway.  i don't have to watch the evening news to see that the world is bad, i only have to look at myself.  i am not browbeating myself here; i am only saying that true change, true life-giving, God-honoring change would have to start with the individual.  i was the very problem i had been protesting.  i wanted to make a sign that read "I AM THE PROBLEM!"

sobonana...

Africa: Awesome, Cool, and Really Neato!!!

check out what just came through my e-mail...the very first ever newsletter from the manaleni center in kwamhlanga, south africa!

Download Manaleni Day Care Centre September 2009 Newsletter

sobonana...

Africa: Why I Drink Coke...And Why You Should Too

since returning from south africa, my consumption of carbonated beverages has been limited strictly to coca-cola products.  growing up in texas, i was raised on dr pepper and eventually diet dr pepper.  i still drank coke products on occassion, but for the most part i was a dr pepper man.

in south africa, i noticed the over whelming presence of coke products everywhere we went.  we would be driving down a road, and in the middle of a huge field there would be a lone coca-cola sign posted in the middle.  coke signs were all over the place.  when we went to the grocery store one day, nearly every aisle had the floor lined with 2-liter bottles of coke and other coca-cola products.  we would visit people's homes and would notice stacks of empty coca-cola bottles.

our team even became insanely hooked on pineapple fanta (a coca-cola product)...if you've never tried pineapple fanta, give it a shot!

after some research, i learned a little more why coca-cola is so huge in south africa.

• coca-cola is the largest employer in south africa
• coca-cola has contributed $2.5 million towards hiv/aids education
• coca-cola has developed "dance4life" programs for youth to raise community awareness of hiv/aids
• coca-cola provides comprehensive hiv/aids coverage for all coca-cola employees, as well as their spouses and children
• coca-cola provides free arv medications to coca-cola employees and family members afflicted with hiv/aids

robert lindsay, president of the coca-cola africa foundation, the body handling all of coca-cola's community initiatives in africa said, "we don't add much value by just writing a check.  we add more value by using our trucks to physically deliver the actual products needed."  in some communities of south africa, coca-cola has been using it's delivery trucks to deliver free condoms, educational information and in some cases even arv medication.

while me drinking carbonated beverages may adversely effect my health, i have made the choice to stick with coca-cola products solely when drinking carbonated beverages.  just another way that i (and you) can help fight the hiv/aids pandemic in south africa.

resources and more information:

• coca-cola hiv/aids initiatives
• innovation – crucial to tackling the hiv/aids pandemic in africa
• coca-cola south africa (click on "csi profile" on top, then "flagship programmes 2008" on left) 

sobonana...

VIDEO: The Manaleni Center

i have completed the first two installments of the documentary i am working on from my trip to kwamhlanga, south africa.  these video segments highlight the work happening at the manaleni center, a place of refuge for aids orphans and the most vulnerable children.  please watch this video to get a better understanding of what is happening and how we're supporting it, and then forward this video to as many people as possible so we can all "tell the story" of these children.

sobonana...

Africa: The Reality of the Manaleni Center...Please Read

the manaleni center is the home of about 140 aids orphans and vulnerable children.  in a community that has thousands of children, the manaleni center reaches out to the most deprived children.  one of the stipulations for the children to have access to the manaleni center is income...for instance, a family of 6 cannot make more than 1,200 rand per month (that's less than 200usd per month).

the children who go to the manaleni center have been impacted by the aids pandemic in one way or another, most of them having lost parents to aids.

one of those children is my buddy mduduzi that i introduced while i was in south africa.  mduduzi has lost both parents to aids...his grandmother works in pretoria (over an hour away) and she only gets to come home a few days per month.  so, on most nights, mduduzi, who is only 13 years old, goes home alone.  most days, the only meal he gets is from the manaleni center.  mduduzi is just one of about 140 stories of the children at manaleni.

the manaleni center is open 7 days a week from about 9am until an hour before the sun goes down.  they provide education, health services, food and recreation for the children...most of all, they keep them out of trouble during the day by giving them a place to go.  the food mainly consists of a meal of pap (pronounced pop), which is basically like grits to us in america.

the manaleni center is run by a young man named nehemiah.  nehemiah is in his mid twenties and has never been married.  when asked why he has never been married, he says its because the kids and the center are his life.  nehemiah lives at the center and provides leadership to the staff and children, but mainly his job is to love the kids.

st james is the only financial supporter of the manaleni center.  the other four centers have multiple financial supporters, but st james is the only one for this center.  the annual cost to keep the manaleni center open each year is a little less than 100,000usd per year...our initial commitment was to provide two years worth of funding, and through God's grace we have done so.

while we were in kwamhlanga, we asked dr. flip buys, the chairman of mcdc (the parent organization of manaleni) a very pointed question.  we asked, "if st james was unable to provide the funding for the manaleni center, what will happen?"  dr. buys initially responded that the workers of mcdc would have to hit their knees hard and pray for more funding.  when pressed a little harder, dr. buys got down to brass tacks and basically said that if st james was unable to provide funding the doors of the manaleni center would have to close.

100,000usd...

that's it...

to the people of kwamhlanga, that is an amount that almost all of them will never see in multiple lifetimes.

to the people of america, that is an amount that each of us as individuals will see in a year, or two, or three.

a further reality is that even if we gave money to the manaleni center, most of us here in america would probably never get over there to see the impact that it has on that community.

but, is the point SEEING how the money is changing lives or is it KNOWING that it's changing lives?  if you need proof in KNOWING that it's changing lives, the team that just went could tell you story after story after story.

a few months ago, our church committed to raising the money to provide another year of funding for the manaleni center.  at this point, a good portion of the money has been given, but not all of the commitments (or iou's) have been fulfilled.  i want to implore you, if you have committed to give to the manaleni center through st james, please fulfill your commitment before the end of 2009.

if you don't go to st james and you want to give money for the 140 children who need our support, please consider doing so.  no amount of money is too small.  some of you can scratch a check for 5usd.  others can give a little, or a lot more.  this isn't just a st james thing, this is a "humanity" thing.

i wish you could see, feel, hear, smell and experience the impact that the manaleni center is having in this little corner of kwamhlanga.  there are no words to describe it other than to say that it truly is a lighthouse in a dark and desolate community.

on a broader scale, we asked nehemiah why only 140 kids in this large community of children get access and he said it simply came down to resources...if they only had more money, they could reach more kids.  while we want to be able to reach more kids in that community, right now the priority is the 140 who go there and as a human race we must do whatever we can to show love and give hope to those who will get it no where else.

if you are interested in giving to the manaleni center, send me an e-mail and i will put you in touch with the right people...or if you're a st james this sunday, just put your check in the basket and mark it "south africa".

tonight, mduduzi is probably sleeping alone again.  tomorrow he will wake up and go to the manaleni center and receive the love that i saw him so desperately crying out for while i was there.  mduduzi is just one story...and there are many, many more.

sobonana...

Link: HIV/AIDS Ministry

here is the website of the hiv/aids ministry sponsored by st james.  check out this website to fully understand how our church supports the work in south africa.

St. James HIV/AIDS Ministry

sobonana... 

Africa: The AIDS Reality in KwaMhlanga

this story was taken from the june 2009 mcdc newsletter and is a harsh reality of what the workers of mcdc face everyday in the area of kwamhlanga, south africa.

When we found them, the mother and one boy were laying on a mattressless bed – sick to death. There were small children sleeping on one urine-drenched blanket on the floor. The temperature outside was 2 degrees Celsius. A freezing wind was whistling through gaps in the broken window, stuffed with all kinds of cardboard and cloth. One wall of the mud house is about to collapse. They couldn’t remember when was the last time they had something to eat.

There are 11 people living in this small outbuilding. Thandi’s own children, her sister’s children, her grandchildren. Thandi is 46 and HIV positive. From the big house on the same premises came the sound of cutlery on crockery, and laughter. Thandi’s father and his new wife lives there. He is a pastor.

This is not a once-off story. The Home Based Care workers of MCDC come across similar heartbreaking circumstances every day. This fifth-grade girl cares for her baby sister because her mother is too ill. She also cooks for the family – that is when there is something to cook.

Maria lives in this tin shack with her daughter, Sylvia. Both are jobless and sick. They have to care for 8 children. The bigger children have to sleep with neighbours. There is no room for all of them in this oneroomed house.

According to Randy Finckbeiner, FDP manager, their work can be overwhelming. How does one make a difference in so much hurt, cold, poverty and sorrow?

“But it also is very rewarding when you see how sick people respond to medication, food, care and love. When you see the light coming back into the eyes of children when they get food regularly. We just keep looking up at God, knowing He is in control. Then we do what He expects from us.” says Celia Mahlangu, one of the FDP workers. “We take the sick to the clinic. They get tested for HIV/Aids and TB. We bring them food and bedding. As soon as they get medication and food, you see them getting hope again in a hopeless situation.”

“Our biggest problem about HIV/Aids is superstition and stigma.” We take the sick to get anti-retrovirals, but they try everything else first. With family abandoning them and accusing them of evil spirits possessing them, they go to witch doctors first and try all kinds of remedies. Often when it is too late, they come back to us and ask if our God can help them. Then we can only give them the comfort and peace of a loving God before they pass away – and leave more than a handful of orphans behind.”

Randy says they are caring for 300 patients in the field. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. “Our area is divided into 9 zones. Five of these zones have MCDC Care Centres where orphans and vulnerable children get food and support. Here Home based Care workers take care of another 200 patients. In the four zones where there are no centres, all we can do is to provide 10 kg of maize meal per family per month. How do you feed a dozen mouths with one bag of maize meal a month? How can a patient getting ARV’s get better without healthy food?“

We urge everybody reading this newsletter to assist us in the form of funds, maize meal, tinned meat or any other canned food, dehydrated or dried food and blankets. Please phone Randy on 072 267 1006 or Anna on 083 233 0981.

sobonana...

Link: MCDC Official Website

included in this blog posting is the official website of mcdc, which is the organization that st james umc partners with to help support the manaleni centre.  mcdc, which is short for mukhanyo community development centre, provides care and development to orphans and vulnerable children and their families throughout the wider kwamhlanga area.

take some time to visit their website and learn more about their entire scope of ministry, and show your support by subscribing to their newsletter.

MCDC Official Website

sobonana... 

Africa: Understanding My Role

one of the main reasons i visited south africa was to educate myself on the hiv/aids pandemic and bring what i learned back to america to help educate those in my sphere of influence.  there are so many myths about hiv/aids and i hope that i can do my part to bring understanding so that we can fight it better.  this disease is my generation's problem...it wasn't passed on to us by our parents' generation and there is no reason why we should be passing it on to our children's generation.

as i continue to process what i experienced, i will post my thoughts and feelings on this blog.  also, as i come across articles or websites that are informative regarding hiv/aids, i will post them here as well.  i hope you will take time to check out the third-party information i post here and educate yourself.  the number one problem with hiv/aids around the world is lack of understanding about the disease.

(for what it's worth, i want to be perfectly clear that i have been tested and i do not have hiv or aids.  i am just trying to do my part to help in the fight.  if you have not been tested, i encourage you to do so.)

we can continue to ignore this problem and pretend it doesn't exist, but it does and it is killing our generation.  a recent stat said that for every two people starting hiv/aids treatment around the world, there are five newly infected people.  we can fight this and we can control it, but we must take it seriously.

i'm 36 years old with two daughters.  i have asked myself this question, so i must ask you as well:  "do you love your children/grandchildren enough to not pass this problem on to them?"  harsh words, but reality.  i'm grateful that my grandparents didn't pass on polio to my generation, but they dealt with it themselves.  i'm grateful that my parents' generation fought the chickepox so that it is no longer a killer disease as it used to be.  we can fight this disease and we can beat it, but to do so we must know what it is we're fighting.

here is a list of the top ten myths about hiv/aids as provided by www.webmd.com:

• myth #1: i can get hiv by being around people who are hiv positive
• myth #2: i don't need to worry about becoming hiv positive -- new drugs will keep me well
• myth #3: i can get hiv from mosquitoes
• myth #4: i am hiv positive -- my life is over
• myth #5: aids is genocide
• myth #6: i'm straight and i don't use iv drugs -- i won't become hiv positive
• myth #7: if i'm receiving treatment, i can't spread the hiv virus
• myth #8: my partner and i are both hiv positive -- there's no reason for us to practice safer sex
• myth #9: i could tell if my partner were hiv positive
• myth #10: you can't get hiv from oral sex

to view the entire list in detail, click here...do it...you know you want to!

sobonana...

News: Number of People Getting Lifesaving HIV Drugs Rises

i came across this article.  the sentence that made me smile was, "an aids free generation is within sight."

check it out:

Washington Post: Number of People Getting Lifesaving HIV Drugs Rises

sobonana... 

Africa: Irreplaceable

i spoke to delta airlines yesterday morning and they have no clue where my suitcase is.  i ended up speaking with cheryl who is a floor manager and she sent messages to the johannesberg, atlanta and tampa airports about my bag.  she even said some red suitcases were unclaimed at the atlanta airport and had workers check, but neither was mine.  the tracking system they use shows that my suitcase never left johannesberg.

there are three items in my suitcase that i desperately want back:

1. some handmade souvenir gifts that i had bought for my daughters.
2. a t-shirt that all of the kids signed on my last day at the manaleni center.
3. a letter hand written by one of the kids at the manaleni center.

they can keep everything else in that bag, and i have no problems going out and getting new clothes, but i would really like to have those items.  in fact, the souvenirs i bought for my daughters are replaceable, but how can i replace the autographed t-shirt and the letter???

a quick story about the t-shirt...it was the final day at manaleni center and we were done with the programming.  as we were saying our goodbyes to the kids, my buddy mduduzi comes up to me with a marker and asks to sign my shirt.  fortunately, i was wearing a white undershirt so he signed it.  the next thing i know, i was kneeling down for about a half hour while kids signed their name to my shirt.  it was truly a humbling experience.

so, delta airlines, if you're reading this, i'd kinda like to have the shirt back please.  i'm going to file a claim, but maybe a miracle can be had?!?

yesterday was a bit better emotionally, but i know i have been impacted for the rest of my life...which is good.  i hope and pray that i don't ever forget what i saw, but i also don't want to walk around in a funk the rest of my life.  i had my girls last night and we talked a lot about my trip...actually, my oldest daughter is learning about apartheid and the south african culture right now in school, so i offered to come speak to her class about my visit.  i also talked some about aids with my kids and while they didn't fully get it, they at least stayed interested in the conversation.

i still haven't watched more than 10 minutes total of tv since i've been back.  honestly, nothing on tv interests me right now and i'm even trying to think about how my girls would respond if i had the service canceled.  i don't know, we'll see.

oh, and i got my first video done!  it's a simple highlight video, but i'll start uploading the videos as they are completed.

i stayed up until 9:30 last night!  woo hoo!  but i woke up at 3am this morning.  boo!  hopefully only 5.5 hours of sleep will make me extra tired tonight so i will be able to sleep longer tomorrow night.

other than that, not much else to report.  i know this may sound insignificant for some, but please pray for a miracle to come about with my suitcase.  i would really like to retrieve those three items!

sobonana...

Instruction: HIV/AIDS 101

it took 36 years for me to have an understanding on hiv and aids.  while i still don't fully understand it, i feel as though i have a better grasp on what it is and what it is doing to my brothers and sisters around the world.

before we went to south africa, our team watched the following video which is a basic introduction and understanding of hiv/aids.  please watch this video so that you can understand too...it's humorous and full of insight and i think it will give you a great understanding into the pandemic known as hiv/aids.

sobonana...

News: HIV Spreading Faster Than Treatment in Africa

found this article online about the spread of hiv in south africa...startling.

HIV spreading faster than treatment in Africa

sobonana...

Africa: Adjusting

ok, so adjusting back to america is harder than i thought it would be.  i tried to stay busy yesterday but found myself lost in another place.  i kept looking at the clock wondering what the kids were doing...what were randy and rose doing...what would we be doing if we were still there.

i looked at americans and felt like a foreigner.  i don't want to be a hypocrite and judge americans because until last week, i didn't understand either.

i felt mostly sadness yesterday.  i just wish that eveyone could realize how big our planet is and at the same time realize how small it is.

i made malva pudding for the staff team yesterday.  it actually turned out quite good...i was impressed with myself.  malva pudding is a south african dessert that we ate the first day we were there.  of course, the malva pudding we at at the restaurant was incredible, but mine wasn't too shabby.

my body is still on africa time.  i felt like i was cruising right along yesterday until about 4pm when it hit me like a wall and i suddenly became so sleepy!  i left church around 5 and came home and crawled right into bed.  by 7pm i was out like a light and woke up around 4am today.  i remember when i went to sydney, australia (13 hour difference), it took me almost 2 weeks to fully recover.  i think it's still going to take me a few more days, but i am ready to be back on a normal sleeping schedule.

oh, and still no luggage...hopefully today.

will you pray for the children of the maneleni center today?  we were told that the kids experience a few days of sadness after we leave, and if it's anything like me and the rest of the team are experiencing, my heart breaks.  just pray that we will all be able to get back to normal withouth forgetting what we saw and experienced.

sobonana...

Africa: Back to Life

today is the first day back to normal life for those of us who went to south africa.

sarah will be back at her school teaching 3rd graders

linda will be back at her job as a cfo

kati will be back in school

kelli will be back at usf creating tests

jeannine will be back at her job as a social worker

angela will be back at her school teaching 5th graders

john will be back at work as an engineer

tom and david will be arriving back in tampa later today

and i will be back at church as a worship leader

ten people.  ten stories of life change.  ten spheres of influence that will be impacted.  yet, one heart beating in rhythm for the people of kwamhlanga, south africa.

i'm not going to lie, it's been a challenge adjusting back to the american way of life.  the things i thought were important have taken on new meaning.  i'm not saying they're less important, but as i mentioned yesterday, i just see things differently now.  it is definitely going to be a challenge for me to put my head back in the game as a worship leader...not because i don't want to do it anymore, but, well, you know.....

i went to church yesterday to the 11am service at st james.  it was so refreshing to sit on the front row and just worship without any leadership responsibility.  i can honestly say that for the first time in my entire career as a worship leader, this was the first time i've ever been able to just worship while sitting in the congregation.  normally, i would be evaluating everything and looking around, but yesterday was innocent and pure.  i sat next to my south africa family on the front row and there was more than one tear shed during the service.

as only God could orchestrate, pastor steve talked about serving.  this wasn't a special "welcome the south africa team back" kind of sermon, it was the fourth sermon in a series about being a better disciple of jesus and it just so happened to be about serving others.  pastor made a comment that i believe now more than ever.  he said,

"the day the church stops looking outward at the world is the day the church stops being the church and becomes a christian country club."

bingo!  i get it now!  and i'm a witness to that truth!  as a worship leader, i believe now more than ever that "worship"is more than singing songs, more than reading God's word, more than prayer, more than giving.  i believe now more than ever that last week in south africa, the south africa family worshipped God more than ever before simply because we were obedient to Him.

there is still a lot for me to process, but the fog is starting to lift.

i slept for 12+ hours last night (I crashed around 5pm and woke up around 5:30am) and my body feels a little bit rested.  i'll be knocking back some coffee today to keep the wheels moving, but i'm ready to get back into normal life and i'm ready to see how differently i will view my job today after what i experienced last week.

will you pray for my south africa family specifically today?  pray that as we all get back to life we will not forget and become desensitized to what we experienced.

sobonana...

News: Vaccine Shows Promise in Preventing HIV Infection

check out this article that was forwarded to me:

WSJ: Vaccine Shows Promise in Preventing HIV Infection

sobonana... 

Africa: Hindered and Entangled

have you ever looked at something and then looked at it again and saw it totally different?  that's how i'm feeling right now.  it's like my "rose colored glasses" have been stripped off and i'm seeing things so much differently now.  like i mentioned in a previous post, i want to be honest with my emotions and i know they're raw at the moment, but i also want to strike while the iron is hot.

i'm just having a hard time getting back into the american culture.  if you've been out of the country, especially on a mission trip, i think you know what i mean.

i paid four bucks for a cup of tea at the atlanta airport starbucks yesterday.  four bucks?!?  really???  i couldn't finish it.

i came home and turned my tv on trying to find some good football.  i wasn't interested, so i slept for a couple of hours then woke up and watched video footage and looked at pictures from africa.

i have a ticket to the u2 concert this wednesday in tampa.  if bono wasn't such an adamant supporter of poverty and aids in africa, i probably wouldn't go.

i mentioned in a previous post that david smith told us that the purpose of this trip is not to go home and sell everything, but to become better disciples of Christ.  for me, becoming a better disciple is including looking at things differently.  i won't stop buying starbucks or watching football (those were raw reactions immediately after returning), but i will think twice about things like that.  do i need to watch football or should i take some time to write mduduzi a letter?  do i need a four dollar cup of tea at starbucks or should i skip this cup and send a few bucks to mcdc?

john darling made the quote of the week on our final day in south africa.  a few days before, he mentioned how our time in kwamhlanga made him realize how much "noise" was in his life that distracted him...on friday, we went to the pretoria mall to get some souveniers and while at the mall john so accurately said, "the noise is back."

for the past twenty four hours, the middle part of hebrews 12:1 has been resonating in my head:

"let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles"

i'm realizing that what has hindered and entangled me the most is living naively enough to think everyone in the world lives like americans.  they didn't even know who the dallas cowboys were!!!  i know some of you may think that's funny, but for me (even though i had some fun with it in the moment), it was a huge eye opener.  i honestly thought, EVERYONE knew who the dallas cowboys were.  in that moment, i realized how hindered and entangled i was.

this is going to be a much longer journey than i anticipated, but i'm ready for the challenge!  i'm not afraid of what it may do to me (or for me).  this is my moment to stand up and do my part!

sobonana...

Africa: Some of My Favorite Moments

here are some of my favorite moments that didn't make the blog during my trip:

• laying out under the stars with my new family and strumming my guitar.  the silence was deafening at times.
• getting "africa feet" by playing soccer barefoot with the kids.
• swapping ipods with angela and listening to "alternative" music.
• tasting pineapple fanta for the first time.
• "bag full of smiles"
• seeing a real live dingo!
• teaching the kids "shorty got low, low, low, low, low....."
• hearing a kid tell me i have beautiful hair.
• the kids asking me if they can write their name on my shirt.
• stalk sweets.
• wearing earplugs when i slept and everything being totally silent.

sobonana...

Africa: The Journey Continues

for those of you visiting this blog for the first time, i traveled to south africa for the first time in my life on september 25, 2009 through october 3, 2009.  my purpose for going was to film the experience and create a documentary to bring back home and educate others...it turned out to be way more than that.  this blog is a journal of my experience leading up to the trip, during the trip and after the trip.  check back often to keep up with my continued journey.

Africa: Day 8

i'm in the middle of my final flight between atlanta and tampa right now and every muscle and joint in my body aches!  i think even my hair hurts!  the flight from jo'berg lasted a little over 16 hours and i slept for about 3 hours WITH sleep meds.  i ended up sitting next to angela on the jo'berg flight and we had a blast...she is a hoot and it has been such an honor getting to know her and the entire team!  and, the best part is that they all let me be "jason the person" and not "jason the worship leader"...scary, i know, but so refreshing for me!

every part of my being is exhausted...physically, spiritually, emotionally.  it has been a long, yet life changing week.  i'm going to start working on the video footage pretty immediately.  i have some fresh ideas in my head that i don't want to lose.  i'll be creating high definition versions for all of these videos, but i'll also upload them to youtube when i'm finished with them.

i'm feeling very challenged as to how i will educate people in america with these videos.  the truth is, you just won't fully understand until you have been for yourself and gotten "africa feet" or "tie die hands" (inside joke).  i feel like i have joined a very small "fraternity/sorority" of sorts...not that i'm any better than anyone else, but it's just so hard to explain if you haven't been.  my theme for this week has been "no words" and it continues to be my theme...there are no words to describe it, but the challege is that i have to come up with words!  these kids need YOU to hear their story...the people suffering and dying from aids need YOU to hear their story...those living in extreme poverty, like the family of 6 living on less than $200usd per month need YOU to hear their story...and it's up to me to tell it for them.  i don't think i need to tell you how you can pray for me!

i need to go back for a week or two and do nothing but film.  even though we had several meetings that prepared us in advance, i still didn't know what to expect until i got there.  now that i've been, i want to go back with a solid plan to capture some strategic stories and angles.  i'd even like to take someone with me to film with a second camera and be a second set of "eyes" for me.  i'm going to seriously look into going back sometime this spring, separate from the rest of the regular team visit next september...and, yes, i am definitely going back next september...the kids made me promise them i'd be back!

i'm not going to blog about what happened thursday or thursday night.  it was very emotional for all of us and one of those days that is better left alone in trying to describe.  hearts and souls were exposed with our team and i want you to know that the 10 of us that went are a family now, especially after what happened thursday night.  and i'll close this part by saying this: david smith is the REAL DEAL!!!

other than that, customs in atlanta was a headache.  one cool part was that we applauded for about 5 minutes while servicemen and women in uniform went through the airport.  it took about an hour and a half to get through customs and when i finally got through i found out that my suitcase was missing.  honestly, i don't care...partly because i'm so tired, partly because of the week i just had...in hind sight, i should have just left my entire suitcase behind and just brought back my electronic equipment.  the people in atlanta told me to file a claim in tampa.  they also said that it is typical for overseas flights to leave luggage behind in order to maintain the weight capacity of the plane.  the only thing in my suitcase were my clothes, a photo printer, toiletries, and most importantly a letter i got from one of the kids at manaleni.  they can keep everything else, just give me the letter!  i knew i should have packed that letter in my backpack.  i'm carrying all of my other gear so there's no problems with that, JUST PRAY I GET MY LETTER BACK!!!

ok, we're almost to tampa and once i get there i'm going to go home and sssssllllleeeeeppppp.....there are (obviously) no clothes to wash, lots of great football on tv, and a horizontal surface waiting for my aching body, so i'm gonna crash hard.

sobonana...

Africa: Day 7

**special note**
i typed this last night in the johannesberg airport but didn't get a chance to finish it and post it before i left.

i'm getting ready to board the plane here in south africa and i'm leaving with a very heavy heart!  there is a part of me that is ready to come home and another part of me who doesn't want to leave.  this week has made a huge impact on my life...i'm not ready to say it has changed my life just yet because i want to be honest with my emotions and right now i'm just too raw.  however, i can tell you that my eyes have been opened in a way that i have never experienced.  i'm still wrestling with "what am i going to do," but i know that my biggest "to do" is educate as many people in my sphere of influence.  the question is "how" am i going to do it.

my blog is going to transform now into the "processing effect" so for those who are interested in the aftermath of my trip, i encourage you to check this blog out from time to time.

thank you is too inadequate of a word to express my gratitude for everyone who has prayed and encouraged.  i am blessed beyond my own comprehension and whether i experienced south africa with you or you just offered the words i needed to hear to get me through this week, i want you to know that my heart swells for each of you!

sobonana...

Africa: Day 6

good morning!  i didn't sleep much at all last night.  david and i decided to take the team by the cemetery on our way to manaleni this morning.  this blog posting is short, but if you're awake at 2:30am eastern time, please pray for our team as we all become exposed to the reality of aids at that time.

until next time...

Africa: Day 5

the eyes of my heart were opened today.  david and i spent most of the day shooting video segments of him telling the untold stories of kwamhlanga, south africa.  our second video was in a local cemetery.  as we went around the cemetery, we noticed the vast number of graves that had no markings...graves that had been around for several years, and yet still no markers or head stones.  we also noticed that the graves that were cared for by loved ones often times included mementos or other items that gave a glimpse into the deceased person's life or personality.  we both really struggled with the number of infant and child graves we came across.  we also struggled with the litter that was strewn about the cemetery, most of the litter laying on graves.

as we walked around, we came across one man who was tending the graves of his mother and sister-in-law.  abram is 76 years old and made many of the head stones in that particular cemetery.  his mother lived to be in her mid-seventies, his sister-in-law lived to be barely 50...both died of "an illness".

abram was so excited to meet us that while we were shooting other scenes in the cemetery, he called his brother, simone, to "come see the two americans!"  i could not get over how amazed he was to meet an american, much less two.  he told us that he had never met an american before and could not believe it was happening today.

as we were getting ready to leave the cemetery and rejoin our team at the manaleni center, everything i've experienced so far this week came to a point...the moment when the eyes of my heart were opened...the one thing God needed to see to make me fully understand...and in some ways, the reason i came to south africa.  we came upon a grave of an infant, made obvious by the very small size.  the grave was unmarked as many of the other graves were.  but what shattered my heart into a million pieces was what i saw on the grave...a teddy bear, a pacifier, syringes, arv medication bottles (to fight aids), empty ointment tubes, empty cough syrup bottles.  these items were what the family left behind to help them remember the child.  the only words i could utter in that moment were, "david, this is the face of aids."

i have tears rolling down my face as i type this.  i never expected to see what i saw, and i know i will never forget it.  it will be an image and emotion that will haunt me (in good and bad ways) the rest of my life.  this will be the first video segment i complete upon my return simply because it is the harshest reality of the aids pandemic.

as we left the cemetery, we stopped one more time to say goodbye to our new friends, abram and his brother simone.  we took a moment to pray with them, and while they barely understood us and we barely understood them, during that moment we all spoke the same language and we all ended by saying "amen" in unison.

i felt like someone stepped on my heart this morning.  i literally had a pain in my chest the rest of the morning and i was going through a kaleidoscope of emotions...anger, sadness, hopelessness, despair.  no one knows that child's name except the parents and God.  i wanted to know the name so badly...because everyone has a right to be known...to have a name.  yet, this child, because of the lack of money i'm sure, will be in their final resting place with no name, no identification...just reminders of the tragic way the child died.

the injustice has to stop.  the injustice of aids...the injustice of poverty...the injustice of equality.  for 36 years i have been guilty of doing nothing.  as paul butler once said, i don't want to stand before God at my final judgment and not have an answer when He asks what i did for the least of these.

i feel like i'm in one of those dreams...you know the kind...where you're trying so hard to scream but for some reason you can't.  or one of those dreams where you feel like you're running but at the same time you're going no where.  i don't even know where to go from here, but what i saw today wrecked me, shattered me, and stole a piece of my innocence and ignorance.

tomorrow will be sad for our entire team.  it is the last day we will spend at the orphanage.  i think i'm going to leave the gear in the car and just love on the kids for the day.  i've captured so much footage this week, that i think the project will be just fine...i need those kids tomorrow.  when david and i arrived back at the center from the cemetery to pick up the rest of the team, my buddy Mduduzi found me immediately and asked where i was today.  he was sad that i only stayed for about 3 minutes today.  he was asking if i was coming back tomorrow and if he could have my name badge.  i need my boys tomorrow!

we're going to end the day with a big party for all of the kids.  i am so stinkin' proud of my team!  they went out and planned this entire party while david and i finished up some video segments this afternoon.  i never would have imagined i would love my team as much as i do, but i'm already wondering how i will function emotionally next week without them.

i've spent the most of this blog talking about my day, but today i think everyone on the team had the eyes of their heart opened.  it was a very emotional debrief tonight and lots of tears were shed.  tomorrow night is when we will do our big debrief of the entire week, but we're going to spend some time in worship and just loving on each other.  i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that everyone on this team has had their world rocked...we will never be the same.  each one of us will have to process our response to this week in our own ways, but i am certain that our lives have been forever changed.

please pray for us as the week comes to an end.  we all feel like it has been too short and none of us are ready to come home just yet.  tomorrow is going to be tough, so i may not blog...i don't know, we'll see, but if i don't i hope you will understand.

until next time...

Africa: Day 4, Part 3

today was a long day, physically speaking.  we all kept referring to the things we did this morning as something we did yesterday.  but, it was SUCH a great day because we got to spend the entire day at the orphanage.  the morning was spent making tie-die t-shirts, cross necklaces with beads, playing red light/green light, duck duck goose, volleyball and soccer.  i shot video most of the morning, but near the end i put the camera down and played soccer with some of my new friends...and yes, they made me look like a fool! :)

the cool part for me this morning was that about 30 minutes before we were about to leave, the kids asked if i brought my guitar again.  i don't think i mentioned that yesterday evening, i played guitar while the team led the kids in some singing and worship...very cool moment.  anyhoo, so the kids are asking if i still had my guitar...i said yes, they said go get it.  so i get back in the room and i have 3 boys sitting around me as i'm trying to figure out what american songs i could sing that they would pick up on.  i did a couple, but then i started singing "friend of God."

the kids went nuts and before i knew it, i had about 30-40 kids all around me singing the chorus of this song at the top of their lungs!  there were even a couple of kids keeping beat on the guitar case!  it was such a cool moment, and for me personally, one of the highlights so far on my trip.  but, check this out...what made this the highlight was not that they were singing when i was playing...the absolute coolest part was when i was carrying everything out to the car and the kids were kicking the soccer ball outside, dancing and jumping up and down while singing the chorus of "friend of God" at the top of their lungs...several minutes after we had finished singing it together!!!  i think my theme for this trip has been "no words"...that moment definitely qualifies for that theme!!!

the afternoon we went back and spent a little more time with the kids, but it was more like organized chaos because we got there late and only had about an hour with them.

my new buddy is Mduduzi (pronounced "mmm-doo-doo'-zee").  here's his picture:

I'm thinking about offloading a bunch of stuff from my suitcase and bringing him home with me.  there are "no words" to describe how much this kid is ministering to me...probably more than i'm ministering to him!  he is one of the reasons i don't want to come home.

the team has come together as a family in ways that no one will ever understand.  even if you've been on a mission trip before, every team bonds in their own unique way.  every member of our team is now permanently woven into the fabric of my heart.  the love and compassion i have seen these 9 people show towards others and EACH OTHER is unlike anything i've seen before.  there are moments we have shared that will never make the pages of this blog and will probably never be spoken of outside of south africa...holy moments...belly laughing moments...heartbreaking moments...life changing moments.

i created a very simple video of the team today that will give you a chance to see the smiles on our faces after 4 days of ministry...check it out:

until next time...

Africa: Day 4, Part 2

the entire team is sitting around chatting about our day and experiences so far and we were laughing about some of the stuff we've seen.  so, we came up with a top 10 list...and, yes, all of these thing have happened...so, here you go:

you know you're in south africa when...

10. the road shoulder is considered legal...and it's actually safer to drive there.
9. even your garmin gps is lost.
8. giving away candy to kids out of a car window is not frowned upon.
7. when you get stopped by the cops and they ask where your driver's license is from and you say, "the home of mickey mouse."
6. you ask the african kid to pronounce his name for the 6th time...really slowly this time...and you end up calling him oscar anyway.
5. you see a chicken literally try to cross the road...and then a cow...and then a pig...and then a goat...
4. finger painting with cow dung is considered interior decorating...and you give it a try.
3. every speed bump rips another part of the underside of your car off.
2. all of your boogers are red from the dust in the air.

and the number one reason you know you're in south africa...

1. you get pooped on by a pigeon.....inside of a building!

Africa: Day 4

good morning!  i'm sitting out looking west over the valley and reading in jeremiah 10 in my Bible.  the air is crisp this morning, at least in the low to mid 50s.  there is a slight breeze, but not near as hard as yesterday.  it's still overcast from the rain last night, but the sun is trying hard to come through the clouds.  overhead, there are 3 geese that seem to be lost and making lots of noise (the locals call them hadidas (pronounced "hah'-dee-dahs")).  when the geese stop singing, i can faintly hear a chorus of roosters in the distance off to my right.  the flies sound like old world war 2 bombers when they fly by.  this morning, i truly feel like i'm sitting in the middle of a symphony of God's beauty and nature.

today we're headed to the orphanage to spend the day with the kids.  i can't wait to get back and tell you all what we experienced!  pray hard for us today!

until next time...

Africa: Special Prayer Request

it's raining here tonight and i have a lump in my throat right now as i am reminded of the families we visited today.  they all talked about how their roofs leak severely when it rains.  i'm praying for those families tonight that they will find some kind of comfort on this rainy night in south africa.  will you stop right now and pray for them too?

Africa: Day 3

today...today...today...how to describe today.  lots of emotion today.

sadness

anger

happiness

humility

laughter (belly laughter)

my day started with jeremiah 1:5-8.

"'before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.'  'ah, sovereign Lord,' i said, "i do not know how to speak; i am only a child.'  but the Lord said to me, 'do not say, 'i am only a child.'  you must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the Lord."

i wasn't looking for that scripture, it literally came and found me, and what a perfect message i needed to hear for today.  i was so moved by it that i shared it with the team and i think we all found encouragement from these words.

why did we need those words?

why specifically did we need them today?

today started with home visits.  we broke up into teams and each team made anywhere from 4-6 visits in a 2 hours span.  i was with david and kelly.  another team was john, tom and sarah.  another team was randy, linda and angela.  the final team was dbubu (sp?), jeanine and katy.  we got a chance to debrief tonight and everyone was blown away by what we saw.

with my team, we first visited a family of 11 living in a two-bedroom, 200-300 square foot home...ELEVEN people in this home!  to put it in perspective, 200-300 square feet is about the size of 2 bedrooms in america.  the place was horrible...

filthy...

cold concrete floors that the kids sleep on...

exposed electrical wires to give them a light in each room...

unbelievable stench (imagine standing in a barn with the overwhelming smell of rotting hay and manure)...

the mom is hiv positive and the only other person in the family that is positive is a

seven year old boy!

we handed out lolipops and a soccer ball when we got there and if you could have seen the smile on this boy's face...in that moment, nothing else mattered!  the headaches he was suffering from...didn't matter.  the fact that most children with hiv/aids don't survive...didn't matter.  the fact that he lived with 10 other family members in a deplorable house...didn't matter.

our next stop was the one that gave me the most emotion.  we stopped at the home of pewei (pronounced "pee-way").  pewei is a 27-year old mother of one son...her other son died back in may 2009 from aids.  just a few months ago, pewei could not walk on her own.  she either used crutches, a cane, or people carried her.  the side-effect diseases of aids were ravaging her body, but not her spirit.  we were told that she would litterally say, "this will not defeat me...i will walk again...i will survive this."  today, pewei is walking on her own, and what is even more amazing is that she recognized us from church yesterday...

the church that she walked to from her home...

EIGHT MILES AWAY!!!

pewei and her son live in a new house now that was built by the government.  it is so much bigger and cleaner.  her old house was still standing right next to her new house.  we got to tour the old house.  the difference between her old house was and her new house was a perfect example of the life transformation she had experienced.

old house: small

new house: big

old house: dark with hardly any windows

new house: bright and open

old house: walls made of mud and falling apart

new house: walls made of concrete and standing strong

it truly is hard to put into words, but seeing her hope just stirred within me and sense of hope for my own life.  david made a comment yesterday that i will never forget.  he said, "you didn't come to africa to go home and sell everything and move here, you came to africa to become a better disciple of Christ."  today, the emotion i experienced at pewei's house was part of becoming a better disciple.

the next two houses we visited were the complete opposite of what we experienced at the first two houses.  the first lady was severely affected by aids.  she lives in a house with her mother...who is deaf.  she lies in bed in pain all day and hardly ever gets up.  celia, the home care worker travelling with us today said that just two weeks ago she didn't expect this lady to make it.  she is still not out of the woods yet, but celia says she believes that if she will stay on her arv's (medication), she will have a chance.  she has been sick with hiv/aids for 6 years now.

the final home visit we made was to a young man who is 24.  he is essentially homeless.  he is staying with a family (not his family) simply because celia, the home care worker, begged this family to keep him for a period of time.  this young man's parents are both dead and he has no where else to go.  his right arm is broken and in a cast, he is suffering with tb (a side-effect disease of having aids), the family he is staying with does not feed him and he probably weighs about 125 pounds...and he's about 6 feet tall.  celia is not sure about his future.

my emotions from those visits...

angry that humanity has allowed aids to ravage our own people like this and that i am just now caring about it.

sadness that these people live in such deplorable conditions and without the weekly visits by the home care workers, most of these families would not have food or anyone who cares about their existence.

humilty when i think about God giving hope to someone who has no reason to have any hope...and yet i complain at the most trivial things...

happiness that there are people here to do care...even though their job is overwhelming

laughter (belly laughter) at our team tonight...we had some real bonding moments...

like when david stuck his hand in cow manure...

or when we got lost on our way to the orphanage this afternoon and got pulled over by the cops and john (our driver) said, "we're from america...florida...tampa...home of mickey mouse!"

or when i chased longhorns...

or so many other times that made today just such a great day for our entire team.

this afternoon we went back to the orphanage and watched a performance they prepared for us...it was awesome!  i don't want to get into it too much because this is getting long and we'll be at the orphanage all day tomorrow so i'll tell you about it then.

thank you all for your continued prayers and support!  every encouraging e-mail and message i am receiving, i am passing them along to the team.  i wish you knew how much your encouraging e-mails meant to us...i love reading them to the team because it's like they're saying in their heads, "wow, people care that we're over here!"  very cool, so keep them coming!

oh, and if you want to see random pictures of our trip, i'm posting them on my facebook page (www.facebook.com/jasonanelson).

okay, off to bed...

until next time...

Africa: Day 2

as i type this, i'm sitting in the middle of the farm looking out towards the west over a valley of shack-style homes.  the air is warm, very little breeze, no humidity and i have never heard so many birds and bugs.  i honestly cannot put into words the emotions i'm experiencing right now.

this morning we went to church at the orphanage and as we walked up, we heard over 75 kids singing at the top of their lungs.  the worship was unlike anything i've ever experienced.  exciting, vibrant...i'm actually stuck right now because i'm realizing there are no words to describe it.  i've never experienced so much singing and dancing with such huge smiles.

as we walked up, a little girl (probably 2-3 years old) came up with a huge smile on her face and shook every one of our hands.  again, no words.

the part that got me the most is when they started singing "he's got the whole world in his hands."  i got choked up and teary eyed looking at their faces and seeing their smiles while they sang that song.

by the end of the service, i had about a half dozen kids sitting in my lap.  they were amazed with my arm hair!  they were even amazed by the hair on my head!  :)

you would never guess the plight that these kids live with if all you did was look at their faces and see their smiles!  i have over 200 pictures already of nothing but smiling faces...the kids were BEGGING me to take their pictures!

i honestly don't want to come home...at least, i don't want to come home empty handed...i want to bring some of these kids back with me!

we did our first live phone call to st james and we're doing another one soon.  in about an hour, we're going to go visit the home of the mahlangu family (pronounced mah-shlan-goo).  this is the family of 14 i mentioned in one of my previous blogs that once lived in a 10'x10' shack but now lives in a real house thanks to the generosity of the people of st james.

the jet lag hasn't quite hit.  i actually slept good, but some of the others didn't.  everyone is still in good spirits and no one seems too tired yet.  i think we're all a bit emotionally numb and we all felt like our time at the orphanage today was cut short.

last night we stopped at a nice steak house in pretoria and several of us felt guilty eating steaks served by black waiters knowing the people we are going to be visiting today.  i honestly can't explain the emotions from last night.

i feel like i'm walking in a fog of emotions right now.  it's time to go visit mahlangu family now.  i hope everyone is having a great sunday and i'll "talk" to you all again soon!

until next time...

Africa: Day 1

good morning america!  as i type this, we are just off the coast of nambia, still about 4 hours from landing in johannesberg.  we've been in the air for 12 hours now and so far it's been an ok flight.  i'm surprised at how bumpy it has been, especially in a big plane like this.  nothing too terrible, but one little drop caused a gasp in the entire cabin.

there is absolutely no leg room back here in the cheap seats, especially for those of us in excess of 5 feet tall!!!  fortunately, i'm sitting on an aisle and the seat next to me is empty so i've been able to at least have a little elbow room.  my back is definitely sore, but on a flight like this with the kind of leg room we have, i think everyone's back is sore by now.  i think my tailbone is permanently bent now from sittin for so long.

it's very chilly on this flight.  i'm wrapped up in two blankets and i'm cold...i can only imagine how some of the women are feeling, especially poor angela who was freezing the other night at our meeting.  but, the reason it's probably so chilly is because they have this little screen on the seatback in front of us that says the outside temperature right now is 56 below zero!  are we flying to the moon or something?

here's a current snapshot of our flying statistics (of our flight so far):
we're flying at 37,000 feet
we're going 570mph
the outside temperature is 56 below zero
we have a tailwind of 32mph
it's 7:37am in tampa
it's 1:37pm in johannesberg
we're scheduled to arrive at 5:28pm johannesberg time (11:28am tampa time)
so far we've flown 6,493 miles

the dinner they served on the plane was ok, but it was served about an hour after we took off and the rest of the flight is just snacks.

the have an on-demand video system that shows movies, tv, etc., and i watched a movie right after takeoff.  i started dozing near the end of the movie and ended up taking a sleeping pill to seal the deal.  i only woke up once when the plane dropped a bit, but quickly fell back asleep in my upright featle position.

woo hoo!!!  while typing this, johannesberg showed up on the map!!!  we're getting closer!!!

anyway, no wi-fi on the plane, so while i'm typing this now it won't post until later on.  i'll need to spell check this later because i feel a little hung over from the sleeping pill i took.  i've re-read it several times and keep finding mistakes that make me say, "why the heck did i write that?"  :)

i'm gonna go watch another movie now.  hope everyone back home is doing good!  i "talk" to you again soon.

until next time...

Africa: Day 0 (BONUS)

we're in atlanta and they're just now starting to board the plane for johnannesberg.  i'm in zone 4 so i have a few minutes to squeeze this blog in.  so far, everything has been great on the trip...except for the $150 bag fee i had to pay!!!  and the starbucks i went to this morning that didn't serve vanilla rooibos tea lattes!!!  and finding out at the checkout at barnes and noble that the gift card i had that i thought was for barnes and noble was actually for best buy!!!  but, i'm going to africa to visit children with hiv and aids, so perspective is everything.

ok, it's time to board the plane now.  the next time you hear from me, i'll be in south africa!!!

until next time...

Africa: Day 0

today is the day.  in just a few hours i will be getting on the plane.  the excitement is building and i am so ready to go!  here's our itinerary for the day:

• meet at the church at 12:30pm
• arrive at the airport by 1:30pm
• depart tampa at 4:02pm
• arrive in atlanta at 5:34pm
• depart atlanta for johannesberg at 8:10pm

i got all of my bags packed tonight and am ready to go.  i will definitely be paying a "heavy" bag fee, but fortunately i was able to squeeze everything into one giant suitcase.  i'm not the kind of person who overpacks, so i have just enough clothes to get me through the week.  i also packed a projector and a photo printer in my suitcase.  i'll be carrying on a backpack full of stuff to keep me busy (and benadryl to help me sleep) and i'll also be carrying on a camera case with my video camera and digital camera.  my ipod is charged, my books are packed and so i think i'll have plenty to do when i'm not sleeping.

for the airplane junkies of the crowd, we'll be flying a 777 (delta airlines) to johannesberg and i'm sitting in row 51f...nice aisle seat to stretch my legs.  my back is a little sore from playing golf on wednesday, but i think i'll be good.

i'll be wearing my typical "flying attire" for the flight...workout pants, t-shirt and flip flops.  not only are they comfortable for me, but it saves time going through security.

i still have a couple of last minute things to do in the morning before i head out, but i should have no problem getting them all done.

if you normally attend st james, or you live in tampa and can be there for one of the services, we'll be doing a live phone call from africa during all three of the services (no pre-recorded message, it will be live).  we tested it out today and it worked great.  we'll be testing it again when we arrive in johannesberg to make sure that it still works fine out there.  an interesting piece of information: there are no land lines where we're going...everything is cell phones out there.  people who have gone on this trip before have said that they actually get better cell coverage in south africa than they do it the states.

well, it's 1am and i need to try to get some sleep.  i'll try to post a quick blog when we get to atlanta and let you know how everything is going so far.  after that, i won't be back on here until we arrive in south africa.

thank you for all of the prayers and encouragement.  keep them up because now the real journey begins!

until next time...

Africa: Day -1

i'm one day away from my africa trip and i'm scrambling fast to get everything together.  it has been a very busy time the last few days as i have had to get all of my gear together and finish up some major projects at work.  the last thing i want to worry about is whether i forgot to bring something or something has been left undone at church.  but, i'm confident that when i get on that plane in less than 48 hours, everything will be as it is supposed to be.

i've been experiencing several restless nights over the past few nights.  nights with anywhere from 2-5 hours of sleep, only to be followed up by long days.  i find myself waking up at 3 and 4 o'clock in the morning for no apparent reason...no bad dreams, no panic attacks, just restlessness.  the exhaustion hasn't hit my body yet, but it has definitely hit my mind.  i'm just ready to go...get on the plane and put my feet safely on the ground in africa!

we've been having meetings every sunday night with the team that is going and it has been amazing how we have already started bonding.  i truly believe that some lifelong friendships are already being formed and none of us will come back the same.  every sunday night, i look around the room and think, "man, we're all such ordinary people about to do something extraordinary!"  if you knew our team, you would know that what we're about to do is nothing but a God-thing and none of us could accomplish it alone or through our own might.

as for me, i'm just ready.  if you live in florida, you understand what this next statement means, but it feels like i'm waiting on a hurricane...you know the feeling; lots of sitting around and thinking to yourself, "just get here already!"  i have some ideas on what angles i want to take in the filming, but of course i'm planning on just going with the flow and watching the stories develop on their own.  i'm not really nervous anymore...i've stayed busy enough to keep the nerves and anxiety in check.  but it still just seems so surreal.  to think i will be standing in south africa in less than 72 hours...crazy!!!

i've learned a lot about apartheid in preparation for the trip and it's amazing to hear that they are still dealing with the fallout from that tragic period of time.  we watched a video this past week (the link is below if you want to watch it) about how students in south africa are struggling severely in school because of the after effects of apartheid.  i'm not a teacher, but part of me wants to stay and help and make a difference.  but, i have responsibilities here that i cannot neglect, so maybe by bringing the stories home i'll inspire someone else to answer the call.

VIDEO: Apartheid Haunts South Africa's Schools

here are some little tidbits of info for those who are interested:

• we will be 6 hours ahead of east coast time and 7 hours ahead of central time
• they are going into spring, so the temps will be in the 50s at night and 80s during the day (kind of like february in florida)
• we will depart tampa at 4pm eastern time friday night and will arrive in johannesberg until 11:15am eastern time on saturday (we'll connect in atlanta)
• i will be able to use my cell phone in south africa, but phone calls will be $2.29 per minute and texts will be 50 cents each, so conversations will be short!
• our return flight will leave johannesberg next friday at 2:45pm eastern time and we will arrive in tampa on saturday at 11:30am eastern time (connection in atlanta)
• each day, our work will last for about 12 hours and will include several visits to the orphanage, hospice, home visits and more
• i will be filming in high definition, which will be a first for me
• i hope to be able to blog during my trip, but internet is slow there so blogs may be short

well, i'm off to bed now to try and sleep some tonight.  thursday is going to be a very busy day as i tie up all the loose ends then come home to wash clothes and pack.  thank you for following me during this pre-trip journey.  i'm sorry it's been sporadic lately, but i promise to keep blogging as i'm able during and after the trip.

until next time...

Africa: Day -14

two weeks from this very moment, i will be somewhere over the atlantic ocean (hopefully sleeping) on my way to south africa.  the excitement is about to make me burst and at the same time the intensity of the trip is making me very nervous.

i go back to some of the questions i asked a few weeks ago:

• "what will i see?"
• "what will i experience?"
• "who will i meet?"
• "how will this change me?"

there are still so many things i have to do before i leave.  this week and next will be crazy as i get all of my gear and supplies together.  will you pray for me that i will be organized enough to not leave anything out?

want to see something cool?  go to www.google.com/maps and search for "KwaMhlanga, South Africa" and you can get a sense of where i will be.  notice the lack of paved roads and the "desolation" (as we would define "desolation" in america).

i got another newsletter from the mcdc organization giving an update on what's happening with the ministry there.  check it out when you get a chance:

Download MCDC news aug 09

until next time...

Africa: Day -15

here is the video i promised yesterday.  these are highlights from previous trips to kwamhlanga, south africa.  this is where i'm going.

until next time...

Africa: Day -16

i can't sleep.  i woke up around 5am this morning after a vivid dream about the people of kwamhlanga.  i dreamed we were in the community and everyone around us was crippled and hurting and it seemed as though they had

lost their dignity.

but as i walked closer to them, it was like they went from being these blurry figures in the distance full of pain and misery to suddenly they were in clear sight.  when they came into clear sight, i noticed they were still crippled and in a lot of pain, but at the same time they were

dancing!

and singing!

and smiling!

and laughing!

the one thing i've learned about life over the past couple of years is that we truly do have the power to let it suck!  not "make" it suck, but "let" it suck.  too often we go through life saying, "woe is me" and we complain about the little things:

i lost my job and now my lifestyle has to change

my air conditioning went out

facebook is running slow today

the _________ (fill in your favorite sports team) lost

these are all things i've personally complained about over the past couple of years, thinking my life had been compromised.  but then i see pictures, hear stories of the people i will be seeing in just 3 weeks.  maybe my dream tonight was to remind me that i complain too much and i need to stop and take in a little

perspective!

this past sunday night, we had our first meeting with the team going to south africa.  here's the lineup:

• a curriculum writer for youth ministry
• a 5th grade teacher
• an engineer
• a cfo
• a 3rd grade teacher
• a high school student
• a social worker
• a worship leader

just a bunch of ordinary people that i truly believe God is going to do something extraordinary through.  three years ago, i listened to bono from u2 speak at a conference about his work in africa and he pleaded for people to get involved.  other speakers from large churches (i'm talking 20,000+ in weekly attendance) also made the same plea.  over 70,000 people were at this conference hearing this plea from this mega stars, not to mention the millions more who heard their message in other settings.

then i think again about our team going:

• a curriculum writer for youth ministry
• a 5th grade teacher
• an engineer
• a cfo
• a 3rd grade teacher
• a high school student
• a social worker
• a worship leader

no mega stars in this bunch...no super stars.  but you know what we do have that those other mega stars had?  a heart and a passion that blew me away sunday night!  all of us taking time off of work or school, most of us having no clue why we're even going, but we all heard that voice in our head saying, "it's time."

my expectations of the trip are starting to change.  at first, i thought i had a clue as to what was going to take place, but as i draw closer and get to know my team, i'm becoming more and more clueless and feeling more and more inadequate.  but, "it's time"...

time for my world to be rocked

time for new relationship to intersect in my life

time for a new season in ministry

time for me to stop thinking i have all of this figured out

i think the sleepless nights have returned and will probably be with me while i wrestle with all of this.  the next time i post, i will be posting a video that i want you to watch, so stay tuned.

my verse for today is:

all of isaiah 58...please read it...it was our verse for our first meeting this past sunday night

until next time...

Africa: Day -21

in just 3 weeks from now, i'll be on a plane to south africa!  holy cow!!!  i'm still under the weather quite a bit...sore throat, heavy chest, hoarse voice and lots of congestion.  the meds i'm on seem to be doing their job but this laying around the house and resting is for the birds!  i know it's good for me and will make me heal faster, but i'm not a sedintary kind of person and i need to be moving and going...which is probably why i'm sick so much!

i'm going to miss sunday night's south africa meeting, but i'm hoping to get in on a conference call so that i can at least hear what's going on and be a part of it all.  i'm getting very restless, though, and i'm ready to get on the plane!  i've joked that i may cancel my return flight and just stay there...yeah, "joked."  ;)

today i watched a preview for a new movie coming out in november.  it's being produced and released by hillsong church in sydney, australia.  the title of the movie is, "the i heart revolution: we're all in this together."  please go visit www.theiheartfilm.com and watch the trailers on the website...especially the second trailer...that's the kind of story i want to tell when i get back!  i was moved simply by a two minute trailer, i can only imagine what the entire movie will be like!

tomorrow is more resting for this weary body.  please continue to pray for my speedy recovery.  as the doctor said, it's not a matter of whether i will not be sick, it's a matter of whether my immune system will have recovered enough to endure the trip.

my verse for today is:

"therefore i say to you, do not worry about your life..."  matthew 6:25 (nkjv)

until next time...